Storied By Josh

 

Her alarm woke her up like it did every morning. She hated the morning and hated the alarm more, but she couldn’t bring herself to destroy it. She knew she didn’t dare. She looked over at him. He always slept through his alarms. She had known him for a lifetime, it seemed. He was the sky, pure and she knew if she ever looked he would be there. She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair. He groaned softly and rolled over. He took her covers with him as he did, like always.

“It’s okay. I was getting up anyway.” She said to him, softly. The cat jumped onto the bed and she shooed it down. She let the cat sleep on his pillow if he was away and if he knew he would be mortified. Cats, to him, were barely better than the rats they ate. The sun began to find its way through the blinds and she raised herself out of bed.

Her plans for getting ready for the day were thrown into disarray as she received a phone call. An old voice from another life was on the other side of the call. It sounded heartbroken.
“Hello?”
“It’s Suzy, he’s gone again.”

A flood of old emotions she generally kept at bay pushed against her chest and filled her throat. Memories of a bygone age and a boy she loved once played in her head, uninvited. She could feel him holding her in the dying light of the sunset and then watching films together. Him screaming when they fought and throwing things in the living room. Her catching him in bed with her best friend. The way he cried when she told him it was done. The way she went back to him for a little and the way she decided that the only thing to do would be to go away, quietly, like the moon behind a cloud.

The way she dodged his phone calls and hid from his texts. The way her heart broke when his mother confronted her in a coffee shop and she had to tell her that her son was a serial cheater, like his father. The way the mother cried and they drank coffee together and talked and then she never heard from her again. She remembered hearing about him getting hooked to heroin. It seemed almost everyone in Anchorage was hooked to it or knew someone who was. He had been in and out of rehab, she had heard through the grape vine. She never expected Suzy to call.

“Slow down, Suzy.” Tell me what is wrong.
A sob through the phone. “He left four days ago and I can’t find him and none of his friends know where he is. I just don’t know what to do.”
“Suzy” She started, “Suzy I have work.”
“I know and I’m sorry, I just don’t know what to do.”
“Have you called his father? Maybe he’s staying with him.”
“James hasn’t heard from him either.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Alright. Let me call you back.”
She hung up. And the Air She Breathes was standing behind her.
“What’s going on?” He asked.
“I…He’s gone again.” She said.
He looked at her.
“What do you want to do?”
She gave him a small smile. “Go back to bed with you and start today over.”
“You’re going to find him?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.” He stretched. “Do you need help?”
“No.”
“Call me if you need anything.”
She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”

She left the house while he was in the shower. While she was in the car she called in to work. Family Emergency. Then she called his old best friend. He hadn’t heard from him either. Then she called a list of old friends they had. Nothing. She knew his old dealer though. She drove down to his house. It was in Fairview, arguably one of the more dangerous parts of town. She drove by decrepit homes and rotting apartments. Hookers tried to wave her down and boys with their pants low cat called her as she drove through the streets. She didn’t remember quite where the dealer lived, but she remembered how the apartment looked.

She found it, just down Twelfth Avenue. She pulled into the parking lot and locked her doors with her Fob. Some boys gawked at her car. “You fucking touch it and it’ll be your ass.” she called out to them
“We weren’t doin nothing!” one called out and they began to walk away. He turned. “Can I get your number though?”
“Fuck off back home now, boys.” They laughed at each other like all young boys do and scampered home.
She rang the buzzer for the apartment.
“Who is it?” The voice came back on the intercom.
“Is this Don?”
“Yeah. You the Cops?”
“No.” She told him who it was.
“Oh hell girl I know what you want. I don’t know anything.”
“Don get your ass down here or so help me, I’m going to go after your Mercury with a fucking bat.”
“Alright! I’ll get my pants on.”
“Hurry up. I haven’t practiced my swing all week.”
She pulled away from the door, three steps and just to the side. In a few minutes she heard him clomping down the stairs and he opened the door a crack. She grabbed the knob and yanked it all the way open.
“Invite me in, you douchebag.”
“Alright, Jesus, come on up, but I haven’t seen your boy in a year.”
“Do you know where he is?” She followed him up the stairs.
“Probably at the crack house.”
“Which one?”
“There’s a new one near his mother’s. I’d look there.” They stopped at his apartment door.
“Open your door.”
“No.”
“Do it.”
“Girl I got product and dope all over my coffee table. You might steal that shit.”
“Don. I’m asking nice.”
“Fuck.” He unlocked his door. “Fucking look everywhere, but this isn’t my shit so don’t take it okay? It’ll be my ass.”
“I don’t want your funky bullshit dope.” She said.

Her eyes scoured the darkened living room. Then the kitchen. She walked slowly down the hall. There was a girl passed out in the bathroom. “One of yours?”
“Hell I don’t even know her.” He nervously called from the living room.
“She’s dope sick.” She called back. She checked both rooms. They were full of mouse droppings, mattresses and stains. But no humans. She went back to the living room. “I’m going to give you my phone number. If he gets ahold of you, you call me.”
“He ain’t gonna call. He got other people now.”
“Just fucking call, Don.”
“Okay.”
“I’m sorry I interrupted your day.”
“Yeah, yeah. Get the hell out, you’re classing up the place.”
“Wait, where is this house?”
“The den is over off John’s Street. By Klatt. I don’t know the address but its blue and two stories.”
“Does it look like every fucking house in Anchorage?”
“Yeah, but it’s blue.”
“Thanks a mill, dick head.”
“Fuck you.”

She left the apartment and started her car. She called her Air to let him know she was fine. He said he loved her. I know she said and pulled out of Fairview. She raced the sun down Minnesota Drive toward Southside.

Southside used to be the place middle class families would move to as they worked their way up the ladder of wealth. It was a step down from the upper class homes of hillside. Now though, it was mostly empty. Full of foreclosed homes and empty streets. The low oil prices had thrown Alaska into a recession and had affected Anchorage most of all. Oil workers abandoned Anchorage when they couldn’t afford the housing prices anymore. The housing market plunged and Anchorage sent into another recession. What was left here mostly, were memories of an earlier time when there was more than enough money to go around. She used to spend time with him here. They walked the sidewalks which now were cracked and crumbling. They played in the swing sets of the play grounds that were now ghosts. They smoked cigarettes behind the middle school together. Now. Now it was all forgotten by the world and her. She wished she hadn’t remembered. She turned off Klatt and onto John’s. The morning sun was beginning to grow warm She rolled down her windows.

She saw the house. There was no mistaking it. It had run down cars in the front. The downstairs windows were boarded up but light was escaping from the second floor. There were trash bags packed on the porch. She passed by it once, then again. She didn’t see anyone, but they might have seen her. She parked in the driveway of the house next door. It was abandoned and clean. An old for sale sign swung in the breeze. She banged on the door of the blue house. No one answered she tried the door handle. It opened. She slowly swung the door open. She heard clunking down stairs. A skinny, malnourished human came swiftly to her.
“What are you doing in my house.” He shot at her.
“I’m looking for a boy.” She said.
“Fuck off back to rich town.”
“I’m going to look for him.” She said. She was suddenly very nervous. The junkie wasn’t high and so would be irritable, violent, she could see it in his eyes.
“Get your fucking ass out of here before I rape it.”
She felt fire beginning to burn in her stomach. “No. I’m here for a boy.”
He pulled out a pistol, swiftly. My god. She thought. I’m going to die in a crack house. He pulled the trigger without hesitating. She felt life dance away from her for a second.

She was still standing. No pain. She looked in the eyes of the junkie and his eyes grew wide. She felt a volcano of rage she hadn’t felt in years pierce through her. It started in her guts and blew through her finger tips. Like lightening she reached out and grabbed the barrel of the Glock. She twisted it back away from her and against his hand. The trigger guard broke his finger. He screamed and let go of the pistol grip. She pulled it back toward her and flipped it around. She slammed the barrel against his face. His nose broke and blood shot out. She pulled away so as to not get any on her.
He cried out again and slumped back against the wall. She hit him again. Her hand shook.

She leaned over his quivering body.
“Where is he.” She commanded. She hit him.
“Where is he.” She hit him.

His head smacked against the wall. He cried out and pointed up the stairs. “Up there! Look up there!” She stood up. “The safety was on, you dickless shit.” She pointed the gun at his forehead and pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened. She realized the Glock must have had a biometric safety in the grip. “You fucking stole this gun?” She said. He didn’t even look up. He stared at the floor and let the blood pool between his legs. She hit him again. Hard. He rolled face first into the floor and lay there moaning. She walked up the stairs.

Another junkie was peeking from behind a door. She pointed the pistol at him. “Get the fuck down!” She yelled and he ducked away. She heard the glass of a window break and a grunt. She kicked the door open with one foot and cleared the room. She walked to the window. The junkie was trying to pull himself across the lawn. His legs were broken. He was so high he didn’t notice.

She turned back toward the hallway and went into the room adjacent.

 

Her heart broke again like it did years ago. He lay there with his eyes open. But he wasn’t dead. His golden brown hair was long and days-old stubble grew. But his green eyes still pierced her. He was always beautiful. Even like this.

 

She walked to him and touched him.
“Are you going to stay here?” He asked.
“Neither of us are.” She grabbed his hand. “Get up. We’re leaving.”
“I don’t think I want to.”
“I don’t give a shit.” She pulled him up and wrapped one arm around her shoulders. “Do you remember how to walk?”
“Yes.”

They hobbled passed the junkie on the floor downstairs. She dropped the pistol at his feet.
“What the hell did you do to Ryan?”
“He slipped or something.” She replied. “Comeon. Almost there.” He was heavy, even as skinny as he was and she was beginning to sweat. She put him in the car.
“Are we going to my mother’s?” He asked.
“No. Not like this.”
“Thank you.” And he drifted off in the passenger seat as she drove to a motel.

She pulled into a parking lot and left him in the car. She locked the doors. The manager came from the back as she entered.
“Hourly or for the night?”
“The night.” She said.
“I need a credit card.”
“No you don’t.”
“Then double.”
“Fine.” She paid cash and went and got him from the car. She laid him on the bed.
“Will you sleep with me?” He asked. She laughed.
“No. I’ll sleep on the floor.” He was already dozing.

She called her love.
“How are you doing?” He asked.
“Fine, things were a little rough at first but it’s sorted.” She said.
“Good. You found him?”
“It wasn’t hard.”
“Not coming home tonight?”
“No.”
“Okay. I love you. Call if you need anything.”
“I love you very much.” She hung up. She turned on the TV. At least they had HBO.

She drifted off watching something and she woke up to the sound of vomiting from the bathroom. She opened the bathroom door. He was kneeling over the toilet.
“I’m gonna be sick for a few hours.” He said.
“I’ll get you water.” She brought him a water glass and sat on the tub. She rubbed his back as he was sick and sick and sick.
He would apologize and say he was trying but something just happened. She told him it was okay and that everything would be okay now. He said he knew because she was there. He fell asleep against the toilet and she brought him a blanket. She sat in a chair by the door. She fell asleep again and didn’t wake until morning.

She woke up to the stale smell of hotel coffee.
“Good morning, sunshine.” He said.
“Good morning.”
“When will we see my mother?”
“When you’re ready.” He handed her a cup of coffee. She sipped it and then sat it beside her.
“Can we go watch the sun rise from Woronzof?”

They used to do that, together. They’d sit on the edge of the Woronzof point and watch the sun rise over the Chugach Mountains. Then in the evening they’d come back and watch it set over Turnagain Arm. She fell asleep with him holding her a few times. But that was when the rain wouldn’t fall. When the rain would come, she would be moribund because she knew they wouldn’t be able to watch the sunrise.

“Alright.”
They drove in her car through the city. The highways were cracked more than they used to and passed empty stores.
“I always wondered why you stayed here, after the rains came.”
“Anchorage is my home.”
“But you could have gone anywhere.”
“I have gone places.”
“But I mean move.”
“Well.” She thought for a second. “I’ll always love it here.”
“Even in the winter?”
“No.” He laughed.

They pulled into the parking lot of Woronzof Point. It had become decrepit over the years and Climate Change had brought the ocean up five feet from where it used to be. The water had washed against the point and eroded about half of it. They sat together. He touched her hand. She pulled away.
“If I get better would you come see me again?”
“No.”
“I wish it had worked out in the end.”
“I miss you sometimes.” She said.
“I miss you all the time.” He replied.
“Why couldn’t we have been better?” He asked.
“I was.”
“We could be better now.” And she felt a pulling, like a planet pulls a meteor, but she knew deep no matter how beautiful it would be, it would still crash and destroy everything.
“I wish I had picked you.” He said.
“Someone else has.”
“He’s good?”
“He’s my air.”
They sat for a little. “We could see the sunrise better from the roof.” He said.
“Alright.” They sat together and watched the sun spread its rays over the mountains. It slowly pulled itself up and the city welcomed it as it would an old friend. She closed her eyes and felt it against her face. She felt young again for a second. The world was bright and the future could be better. The rains would come but it wouldn’t matter because of her best friend. They could chase glory. Nothing held them back but the air. She breathed it in and the scent of spring danced into her. She felt her face soften. When she opened her eyes he was looking at her and she knew she would always love him. He looked away and she saw he was crying. They stayed for a time.

“Let’s go home.” He said finally and they climbed back into the car.
She pulled into Suzy’s driveway and he got out. Suzy ran from the house and slapped him hard across the face. Then she pulled him to her and began to cry into his chest.
“I’m home mom.” He said.
“I know.” Suzy looked at her and nodded. She waved back. Then she pulled out of the driveway and went to work.

 

She got home that evening and stopped for a second outside of the door. She felt the wood in her fingers. Then she let the day fall behind her and walked in. The cat greeted her at the door. She leaned down and pet him. She looked up. Her love was sitting on the deck with his back to her. She saw a six pack of Kings Street Pilsner sitting on the counter. She opened one. She slid open the glass door and sat beside him. He lit a cigarette. She reached out and held his hand.
“I love you.” She said.
“I love you too.” He replied. He looked at her.
“Even when the rains come?” She asked.
“Of course.” She kissed his cheek.

They watched the sun set together.