At nine o clock AST last night, Hillary had lost Florida. My friend and colleague messaged me an old dialogue we had while I was in Europe. It was us laughing at the prospect of Trump being a viable Republican candidate. I agreed with the experts that the Presidency would be between Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush. Our past musings elicited a rare swear from him. He has been on the forefront of minority rights and opening the American lens to their struggle. This was a major setback he said and I agreed. I told him I had a quarter keg of pilsner I was drinking out of and it wasn’t nearly enough. He swore again and our conversation went silent.
I went to bed as Trump received 266 electoral votes. I had asked Anna if she wanted me to wake her to tell her the results. She said no. So when I went to bed she held me and I didn’t say a word. We are the few, the minority in this state. Anna is a stark liberal, and I am what the media calls a socialist democrat. Whatever that means. The United States saw fit to elect a nationalist to the Presidency last night. And I am worried. My stomach hurts my head is a little murky, as I tried to finish that keg off. It wasn’t nearly enough. Gloating and threats of moving soon flowed through this Social Media website. I read them, warily. I didn’t vote for any candidate, I voted for ideas I think we need to rise to, but now I see a man and a people I don’t recognize, or maybe I do and I’m not sure which is a more frightening prospect.
We have a lesbian friend staying with us, in a time of need. And I think of her now and my other friends who aren’t hetero-normative. Who aren’t white. Who are immigrants. I wonder what my country will do to them. Last night I dreamt of a war with Russia. I and a few handful of people were fighting against their new fancy tanks. We lost. The men spoke English and let me view their tank as I had a keen interest. As I looked at the people I saw in their army white and black and men and women and I thought I don’t want to kill anyone. I don’t.
I awoke this morning and the inevitable Trump victory was everywhere. The liberal media couldn’t understand how this happened. They had been so far ahead. But the answer was obvious for those of us who rejected Hillary Clinton as “our voice” had warned them a year ago. The masses were calling for an outsider. And Hillary was as Washington as a politician could get.
Then the Local.de, Buzzfeed UK, Politico Europe, Diplomacy Magazine and other began to post pictures and statements of our European colleague’s reactions. Most of them cried. Some like me just were sitting and staring. To me, this wasn’t an election about Conservatism versus Liberalism in the US. This wasn’t about an insider versus an outsider, though the majority of Americans saw it that way. To me this became a race against the darker forces in the country. The bigotry JFK, Malcom X, and MLK died to fight. The kind that Harvey Milk died to destroy. It lost today. I don’t feel trepidation, I don’t feel anxious to see what the future holds. I am frightened. Cautious optimism grips many of my friends. Though one posted she would need to make sure she carried her BIA card and ID wherever she went now, as she was in border states and knew she would be targeted.
My German friend asked me how I felt this morning. I told her I was angry and frustrated. I asked her how she felt. She simply said “we could not believe it.” I jokingly said to make up a room in her flat because I was moving. She seriously replied that I was always welcome. She said at least she had her Hawaiian Obama Bobblehead I had bought her in Hawaii. I laughed and stated that I wanted a Merkel bobblehead. She sent me a link to a Merkel citrus squeezer. I had joked when we first met her and her boyfriend about the Skinheads who were once again shameless enough to march in the open streets of Germany, though all government buildings refused to be alight as they walked by. I asked her if we needed to come over again to fix things. But we have our own problems now, I think and we best fix them here first. Germany, the country in the world who wields the most powerful passport, can take care of itself.
Last night I had a nightmare. This morning as I drove Anna to work I held her hand the entire time. Tomorrow? I do not know. There is great fear there. But there is also, I think, hope in the unknown. Things could always get better. They have before and to borrow a line from the Dark Knight, “it is always darkest before dawn.” But I look around and I see science under attack, I see the wrong perpetuated in our world in the name of the US. I see togetherness being thrust away for silly flags that mean nothing but division. I think I will hold my friends closer than before and maybe one day we can be proud of our intellectualism, but for now our citizens fear it.
So I will “carry on” as the Brits say. I will also keep an ear to the ground, because I do believe it may be time for the world to, not only take xenophobic nationalism seriously again, but also to fear it and those who wield it. Yesterday that was a few cracker jacks in the far corners of society.
Today…today… it is an American value.
Storied By Josh 